My Tattoo

my tattoo

the occurrence and development of events by chance in a happy or beneficial way.

A happy accident, I would say. Finding something good, without looking for it.

As a person who suffers from anxiety. Furthermore extremely perfectionist and really hard on myself. I needed a reminder that sometimes, no matter how hard you try to control things, they won’t always turn out the way you want them to. And that shouldn’t be something negative. Good things can happen when you can’t control them, too.

As a result, it’s a daily reminder to let things flow. That sometimes things will fall under its own weight, at their own time. That sometimes you need to take a step back, and let go of things so they take their own course. Life will give you what you need, not always what you want. And that’s what makes you grow.

Whenever I’m in a low place, for whatever reason. I always come back to my tattoo and what it means to me. It doesn’t work like magic. It doesn’t release me of any stress and anxiety. But it does help to remind me once in a while that things can work out. So no matter how hard I try to make things work, if they are not meant for me, they won’t. But at the same time, good things may come. Things I may not be aware of. And things I can’t control. And that-is-fine-too.

tattooAnxiety can be a real b*tch. And when you have an analytical mind, anxiety can be a living hell.

You take into consideration every single small thing and variable and analyze every possible outcome. Every possible thing that may work. And every possible thing that may not work. Consequently, all the things you found that could go wrong, make your anxiety worse. It’s a never-ending exhausting cycle.

Also, sometimes anxiety kicks in for no reason at all. No triggers. And that can be frustrating because you can’t even try to find a solution for you to relax. Because there isn’t a problem to begin with.

Certainly, anxiety is something that I have to deal with every single day of my life. And I try to cope with it the best that I can.

My tattoo is just my alarm clock to let me know that things are not always up to me. Therefore things can work out in spite of me.

For now, it’s my only tattoo. But I do want to have more done. I want others on my other wrist. I want one on my ribs. I’ve always wanted one on one of my fingers. But no matter where, I want all of my tattoos to have a real and special meaning.

Not that I have a problem with meaningless tattoos. It’s just that it is a very personal and semipermanent decision. And if I’m gonna have to look at that ink for possibly the rest of my life. I rather have them have a good and healthy meaning to me.

Left Wrist. Cursive handwritten letters. Barcelona. March 8th, 2013.

Five years with my first and only tattoo.



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